dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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