the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
