No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
