i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
