I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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