Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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