the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
