Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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