If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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