We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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