this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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