I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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