Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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