69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
