It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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