you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
