onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
