theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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