Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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