a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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