the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
