I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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