I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
