Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
