I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
