I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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