i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
