i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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