i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
