we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
