Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
