They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
