Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm going to jail i love you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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