im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
