For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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