I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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