Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
