yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
