i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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