I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
