I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
