just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
