I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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