shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
