She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
