You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
