did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
