I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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