so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
