I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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