Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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