how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
